


Let this Moment be The First Chapter

by agaychicken, Ihasmagma



Category: Be More Chill - Iconis/Tracz, Dear Evan Hansen - Pasek & Paul/Levenson, Heathers: The Musical - Murphy & O'Keefe, Mean Girls - Richmond/Benjamin/Fey
Genre: Drugs, F/F, F/M, Fights, M/M, Manipulation, Multi, Other, SQUIP - Freeform, So much angst, Trauma, Twins, ansgt, im sorry, will roland jeremy
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-06-04
Updated: 2019-07-05
Packaged: 2020-04-07 19:37:51
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 6,660
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19091722
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/agaychicken/pseuds/agaychicken, https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ihasmagma/pseuds/Ihasmagma
Summary: Jared was PISSED. So first he falls out with his friend (totally NOT crush) then his Mom shows up, claiming he has a twin brother?Jeremy was PISSED. A brother? His Mom back? Where was she when all this shit at his old high school? With... he doesn’t want to talk about.But let’s rewind.Jared and Jeremy learn that they are brothers! Twins to be exact. And now, Jeremy has to move to Jared’s home, to get the fuck away from all the shit that happened earlier...One small problem,Jeremy is a loser! So there cant be anyway that he could ever fit in, or impress this girl, Christine, and her dorkable friends.Luckily a certain boy takes intrest in him...On the flip side,Jared is learning to cope with losing his best friend, a new brother, and his school hates him. Also doesn’t help that Evans boyfriend seems to take interest in his brother, which is already worrying enough, but to add the topping to the sundae,His parents now want to spend time with the poor boy.Now Jeremy and Jared have to learn to get along, survive Westerburg high, and not kill each other by the end.This will be a lonnggggg year.





	1. Fuck this shit (I’m out)

**Author's Note:**

> Hey, Guys, so my first Ao3 fanfiction! Yay! So, this takes place in Westerburg, the Conner Project never happened, but Conner is dead. 
> 
> Also, Ev and his crew are in Sophmore year,  
> While Jeremy’s are in Junior year.
> 
> Jared POV

You have to be kidding. So heere, I was, tapping my fingers, waiting for my fucking brother to show up. Oh yeah, I forgot to explain. Only a two days ago I was a normal child, with a little sister, Jemma, a mom, and just, a normal life. Now I have a fucking twin brother. Fuck. Where is he? I hear the door open, and see a sorta tall boy walk in. He had similar features to me. I sigh. He was wearing a blue cardigan (a really gay cardigan might I add) and a striped shirt, the dork look only added by the violet pants. He was a dweeb. His eyes looked confused, but excited. He had bags, giving me the guess of... insomnia? Shit.

That brings up a very intresting point.... Was I gonna have to share a room with him? “Hey! Jeremy!” Mom said, smiling, hugging the boy. He pushed her away, with a slight scowl. Go figures, if my mom left me for years then showed up, begged for him to stay, I would be pissed as well. Apparently he had to move here, because hi- our father can’t take care of him, and his issues. Great, dump it on the functioning family. “Jeremy, this is Will,my husband, I know he looks all big and tough, but he is actually not at all!” She laughed, as she pointed to Dad (can i even call him that anymore?) He had dark tan skin, black hair, and doofy glasses. He was tall too.

“This is Jemma, your little sister!” Mom moves her arm so she points as the middle schooler. She was relative height (its sad but she iss about as tall as me, and she’s in 7th grade) she had blackish brown hair fall on her face, as she played with the couch skin.

“And this is Jared, your twin brother. You two will share a room together! Jared, go show your new brother the room! I’ll call for dinner! Gas station pizza!” She exclaimed, clearly looking excited.

Greeeat.

;Ok, let’s lay some rules. You touch any of my stuff and your dead! Simple enough? Also, if your gonna do the boy stuff, do it when I’m not around. And your side is Right.” I say, rolling my eyes. “Ok. Look, maybe we could Um be friends?” He asks. Jesus this boy was almost Evan levels pathetic. There was no way he had a girlfriend. “No. I don’t want this. I didn’t ask for a brother, and you know what, don’t act like we are family. Your just... um... heere, I’ll be nice. We can be FAMILY friends. It’s like friends but not really. It’s worse then being friends, below it. Ok?” I snark. I felt pity for the creature. “Ok. Look, I’m just gonna play some Um pac man.” He says, sitting on his plain blue bed. I hear my phone go off.

Shit.

It was just as I expected, a message from the tree fucker. I roll my eyes. It was a pic of him and his boyfriend, Sam. Well, if you want to be technical, Sam Gorganski. He was the cool, I guess, but a total dick.

They were at some loud party (wish I could go, but noooo got to be stuck with this loser,) and Evan was visibly uncomfortable. But hey, Sam wants to go, and Evan is too nice for his own good.

It’s one of the things I love about him. As a friend! Well family friend. Big diffrence. I hear my phone buzz again, with a text from, Ugh, speak of the devil, Sam.

Samistheman: can you text ;)  
Kinkylord: look, you don’t like me, and I don’t like you. But don’t hurt Evan.  
Samistheman: and what evidence do you have that I would hurt Ev? This made my fists clench. My blood boil.

It’s weird, it might be just my family friend instincts kicking in, but something about Sam didn’t seem... Right. I guess it’s no big.

Kinkylord: thé party? Evan hates parties! Social anxiety, remeber, dumbass.  
Samistheman: speaking of that! I found some cool ways to help Ev. By the way, he looks fine to me.

It was another pic, of Evan smiling, wearing one of Sam’s jock clothes, smiling and holding something which is probably soda, since Evan doesn’t like to drink much (hightens anxiety)

Samistheman: where are you? We need some of your stupid harm.  
Kinkylord: stuck meeting my twin, here is a pic.

I send him a pic of the loser next to me playing on his gameboy. Samistheman: damn! He’s.... kinkylord: a loser? Nerd? Gay? Dweeb? Samistheman: I was gonna say hot..... of course with some tweaking, hm, diffrent shirt, maybe more gel, yes... kinkylord: I know your horny and drunk, but you have a boyfriend.

Samistheman: don’t worry, relax. I just want to help him. He looks pathetic. Tell you what, I’m pretty sure he’s moving. I’ll come over with Evan, and help him.whats his name.  
Kinkylord: Jeremy  
Samistheman: Jew?  
Kinkylord: I think so, I hope so. Wait....What if he’s a nazi?  
Samistheman: how did you skip 5th grade again? 🙄  
Kinkylord: Shut up dick head, have fun fucking Evan!

I sign off. Well on the bright side, if Sam can help this pathetic creature, it could be good. For me at least, and maybe for Jeremy.

Yeah, So why do I feel iffy about this?


	2. Evan Fucks Up

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Get ready for angsty relationships.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You guys know @ihasmagma wrote the first chapter, well, I’m writing the second! It’s the first time I’ve ever wrote on Ao3 so don’t judge.
> 
>  
> 
> TW: Anxiety, Panic Attacks, Self-Harm, Manipulation, Abusive Relationship, So Just Abuse, And Suicidal Thoughts

-Jared POV-

I was completely zoning out what Jeremy was saying. It’s nothing against him, I just want to understand what the fuck is going on with Evan.

First he DITCHES me, then he goes to parties?!? Excuse me, who are you and what the hell did you do with Evan?!?

It’s all Sam’s fault! He changed Evan! What he  _did_  to change Evan is what I need to find out! I don’t trust him! 

“Sorry Jeremy, I got to go!” I dash out of the house, only grabbing my phone.

I start running down the sidewalk towards Jake’s house. 

I decide to send my Mom a text, letting her know that I’m gone.

I storm into the party and scan the room for Evan.

I run up to him and Sam, panting.

Sam stares at me with that  _I swear to god if you mess this up I will Kill you,_ look.

”Jared! You came!” Evan squeals and hugs me.

“Of course I did, but can I speak to you, _in private?_ ” I whisper.

“I don’t think that would be necessary-“ Sam starts before getting cut off by Evan.

”Sure, where would you like to talk?” Evan asks, concerned.

”How about outside.” I answer, taking his hand and watching as Sam glares at me.

Once we get outside, I turn to face the boy I don’t even know anymore. The boy in the gray hoodie.

“Evan, I’m worried about you.” I start.

”Why? I’m fine, you have no need to worry about me.” Evan says in a monotone voice, like he’s rehearsed this multiple times.

”Because that! That right there! You’ve changed!” I raise my voice, hoping to get this through his head that I’m not joking.

”I haven’t changed at all!” Evan defends.

”PARTIES?!? Since when?!? Evan this is bad!!!” I yell as Evan stuffs his hands into his hoodie.

“Bad?!? I have a boyfriend, and everything is going well! I’m sorry I’m not that pathetic loser that you want me to be!” Evan yells.

I can’t help but laugh at this oblivious boy. “You?!? Not anxious and suddenly confident?!? Call me when the shuttle lands!!!”

“You know what, fuck you! I’m hanging out with my _real_ friends!” Evan screams.

”Fuck me? Really fuck me? Fuck you Evan! Asshole.” I scream back, running off.

I make it to the park, sitting down underneath a tree. Once I make sure no one’s heere, I sob, I can’t hold it in anymore. 

I want to die, not even Evan likes me anymore.

I start scratching my skin underneath my vest, if I scratch the cuts hard enough, they reopen and bleed.

Just as I was thinking about it, they burst open and bleed.

_Fuck Evan Hansen._

~~~

-Jeremy POV-

I was at my locker, getting my books for next class.

I hope Jared’s okay, he dashed out two nights ago unexpectedly and no one’s seen him since.

As I head to class I run into a boy in a red hoodie. 

“Oh sorry.” He says before going off to see his friends, among those friends was.....

Christine.

It was the girl from English, I felt my heart skip a beat and I was breathless. Holy shit,

I think I like Christine.....

Wait, what is she doing? 

She walked up to a poster and put her name down. I walk up to the poster, 

‘Sign Up For The After-School Play!’

_Hmmmm......_

”Evan, who cares what that  _loser_ thinks? You don’t need him, he’s just holding you back. You can reach a whole new potential without him!” I hear a boy talk into the phone as he passes me.

”You know what Evan? I’m gonna let you cry this out, call when you’re not being so  _pathetic.”_ He ends up stopping in front of my locker and sighing.

“Hey are you okay?” I ask, I really hope that he is.

I see the boy approach me. He had dark black hair, kinda short, electric blue eyes, and was quite pale. Almost as pale as himself.

It looked as though the boy, Sam was it? Was analyzing him, looking at all his insecurities. 

Suddenly, I felt self-conscious.

”Yeah.....I can work with this.....say, Jeremy was it?” He asks, his voice was coated with honey, making it impossible to resist. 

I nodded, scared. I don’t want this boy to shove me into a locker.

”How about you come to my place? Say, I see you looking at Canigula, wanting to get in her pants, I can help you, you know.”

Suddenly my full attention was on the boy.

“My name is Sam, let me help you, give you some pointers.....for example, never EVER wear pink or violet pants. It makes you look gay.” Sam instructed and I couldn’t help but blush, flustered.

”Now...let’s get to work...” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for all the angst!


	3. Jared Makes a decision

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jeremy meets the gang.
> 
> Jared talks to Sam.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey, my lovelies! Hope your having a wonderful day, I have a new chapter, as Ihasmagma!

 

**Jeremy**  

 

It was my first day in the new school.

 

Yay.

 

Shoot me.

 

Now, on one hand, this school seems nicer then my old one, but that’s really not too hard. 

 

The only thing that I found remotely  interesting in this school is probably Christine, a girl who sits behind me in English.

 

Speaking of Christine, I walk through the hall and spot her in all her beautiful glory...

 

And the red hooded boy. Interesting. Now me, as the intellectual I am… 

 

Notice they were holding hands.

 

Fuck.

 

I saw another girl (Ok, excuse my stupidity, but how can someone have such purple hair?) and a black boy laugh with them. Then two blondes (let me guess, they are the popular sluts?) walk over. One of them hand her hand on her hips, the other holding a phone, and the other was eating what looked to be Frozen Yogurt.

 

Now me, being the masochist I appear to be, I walk over to them. Christine turns her head to notice me approach. Now this when my brain started screaming “ABORT ABORT ABORT!” But I ignore it. 

 

“Oh hi! Your the new kid right? I’m so glad you came! Welcome to Westerburg high! You’re  gonna love it!” She exclaimed, her eyes sparkling like the stars. It’s as if there were literal stars in her eyes. “I-I’m um well I Er Im Jeremy, J-Jared Kleinman’s t-win brother.” I stutter, my head reeling. Shit, this was a crush wasn’t it? 

 

The blond in the red shirt and raincoat giggles. Let me guess, they are the popular assholes and I just humiliated myself? ‘Nice job, Jer!’ I mentally kicked myself. 

 

“Chrissy, before you scare the poor boy, hey…. say, your kind of cute…” The other blond inspected, smiling deviously. Is she hitting on me? Is a  _ pretty _ girl hitting on me? “Er, um well thanks…” I say, feeling my face go red.

 

“Stop checking the poor boy out, he doesn’t even know us yet!” The red hoodie boy scolds. Something about the  _ yet  _ was reassuring. Like they actually wanted to be his friend. ‘Remember how a friend went last time?’ A voice in my head says. ‘No… this is different, they seem fine,’ I argue. ‘He did too,’ I shake off the thoughts.

 

“Now, I’m Michael Mell, Christine’s boyfriend,” Michael introduces. Of course he was her boyfriend. I love my luck.

 

“And the blond hitting on you is Chloe Valenbitch,” Michael explained, his tone playful, to indicate this was normal. Chloe huffed, and checked her phone.

 

“That’s Jenna, the school’s gossip channel!” Jenna Bowes, as if this was an award. I chuckle.

 

“That’s Jake Dillinger and Rich Goranski, the athletes. Be careful, Rich May seem short and harmless, but underneath his side he has a firey fury.” Rich and Jake both flexed. “Literally,” I hear Chloe cough. “THAT WAS ONE TIME! I'M SORRY I ACCIDENTLY SET YOUR TRASH CAN ON FIRE OKAY?” Rich yelled. 

 

What is this group? It’s like walking stereotypes.

 

“And that’s Brooke Lohst, the second hottest girl in school,” Michael explained, pointing to the girl chatting with Chloe. “And little tip, if you want to get to her heart, buy her Froyo.” He whispered into my ear. She  _ was  _ cute.

  
  


“So you all are popular assholes?” I ask, and instantly regretted it. Great first impression, stuttering and insulting the popular kids! It’s like I’m begging for a wedgie. 

 

They all laugh as if I had said the funniest thing. “You could say that!” Jenna says, smiling. How are they not offended?

 

“Yep, everyone wants to have us, or be us!” Chloe brags putting a hand to her heart in pride. Brooke punches her lightly.

 

“So Jerry, want to come with us to Pink Berry tonight? Our treat!” Brooke asks, playing with her hair and blushing. Was she interested in me? 

  
  


“I would love to, really… but I promised to meet Sam,” I explain, feeling guilty and playing with the collar of my cardigan.

 

“Sam? Don’t bother, he’s a dick. Everyone hates him, hang out with us and your up in the charts! What do you say? Do you want a ride?” Brooke asks. I mean, I guess I could meet them later, so I nodded nervously.

 

“Great, Glad you could come! See ya later, Jer!” Christine beams and my awkward nervous smile molds into a doofy one.

 

The gang dispersed, leaving me on my own in the hall.

  
  


————————————

  
  


**Jared**

 

Shit.

 

I run to meet Sam and find out what he’s up to. Luckily we are both in Tech club. “Sam.” I call, my anger seeping through. “Hm, oh you… how was your little chat with my boyfriend?” He asks in a mocking tone. I hate this asshat. 

  
  


“Shut up. You fucked with him! He’s not even Evan anymore!” I yell at the tall boy. He laughs. “Yeah, he’s not the loser you want him to be. The loser who’ll do whatever you say…. you know…. Your interesting…” suddenly I felt extremely self conscious. 

 

Oh, want some water?” He asks and I nod. I was thirsty. I took some of the water and drank it. It had a weird bitter taste.

  
  


“W-What do you mean?” I ask, trying not to show my fear. “You know Jared, I know about you. How you want to be a better friend ... say, maybe I could help you? You seem so pathetic and small... hiding behind a mask, want me to help you? Make you good enough for Evan?” There was something incredibly tempting in the offer…

 

“You could really make me good enough for him?” I croak. He nods, his eyes seeming as if he knows the answer. He calculated all of this. “He is my boyfriend, but I can help you get him…. what do you say,  _ Jar _ ?” I flinch at the name. 

 

Maybe if I accept I can figure out how to get Evan back to himself. “C-can you make Evan go back to normal?” I ask. “Here’s something your missing….

  
  
  


_ He already is. _

 

This is if you hadn’t destroyed his self esteem and self worth to make yourself look better. Heh, your so pathetic, Evan will never like you in the state your in...” Sam brushed his bony pale fingers through my hair, making me flinch. Who did he think he was?!

 

“So… what’s it gonna be?” He asks, his smile looking like the devil.

  
  


I nod.

  
  


“Okay….” I say. “Good, I'm sure you're better than Heere anyway,” He whispers to himself. The name Heere feels familiar but right now I can’t remember. Shit.

 

“Now, lets go…” He says, his voice soothing and like a drug, making you feel all drowsy and Docile. It was freaky.

  
  
  


This is for Evan….

  
  
  
  


But the last thing I noticed as I follow him out, was him holding a flash drive.

  
  
  
  


With the initials JK.

  
  
  


uh oh.

  
  
  
  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, so I’m sorry! 
> 
> Basically, this whole time Sam has been trying to get JARED, and Evan was just a tool for that. 
> 
> Great guy.
> 
> And I promise Zoe and Alana will be in heere! Plus more family bonding!


	4. Bye, Acorn

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jared realizes something
> 
>  
> 
> Family bonding! Yay!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Jared POV. That’s it. Oh and send all your love to Gaychicken please! She needs it! Any prayer you know? Send it. Please <3

Now, normally I would be laughing at the possibility of me spending time with my family. 

Can’t they see I don’t care about fucking lakes or such things?

But alas, I’m spending my Sunday in the Park by Zoe’s house. And unfortunately I’m not allowed to have friends over.

Great…

This all started when mom yelled, “KIDS! WE ARE GOING TO THE PARK! NO BUTS NO NOS! ITS GONNA BE SOO MUCH FUN!” Incase you haven’t noticed, she’s very excitable.

Now, my best guess is this to get Jeremy to feel welcomed into the crazy that is our family.

 

When we get to the car (like an hour later, might I add) Jemma, Jeremy and I were squished in the back, with Dad driving.

“It’s gonna be so much fun! I brought picnic stuff, and lake stuff! Also feel free to run around and climb trees and be kids!” Mom explained. Jesus Christ. Who climbs trees anymore? ‘Haha, I think you forgot someon-‘ ‘shut the fuck up’

“Oh I forgot, no cellphones unless emergency. Understand?” Dad awkwardly asked and we all nodded. 

 

Once there Jemma goes straight to running around, her pony tail waving behind her. I laugh.

“Is your mom always a…. 11/10?” Jeremy asked, whispering to me as I try to get away from the group. “Yeah basically, you get used to it after living with her for 16 years.” 

As I walk around I notice a sign. It was a red sign with bold letters saying Welcome

“Heh, he was a good park ranger. Too bad he had to leave for school.” A man exclaims. “Who?” I ask sheepishly. “Evan Hansen I think his name was. Spent all summer here, taking care of all of the plants, climbed trees, even made this here sign. You know him?” The man reminisces. He must have been close with Evan.

“Yeah… I used to…” I quietly say, till something stuck out in my overworking brain.

 

Climbing trees

Climbing trees

Plural.

Which means… how would someone who worked with trees for a whole summer, someone who has climbed trees since 4, someone who would know better then to climb during after hours….

Fall?

Then something clicked. “It's a funny story, I fell and um no one was there, so I just um walked home and told my mom that I just fell.”

That he just fell.

He didn’t fall.

No, Evan Hansen wouldn’t fall off of a tree. He knows them too well. No, there had to be something else.

Something that I refuse to admit. Though the way he wished for Conner (yeah, wish for a dead kid to find him instead of his fr- family friend. Shows how sucky you are) and the way he kept saying about being found when you were lost… no no Evan wouldn’t leave him like that. No.

Would he?

 

But the facts were there.

I rushed back to the group. I needed to find Evan, I needed to find Evan I need to-

“What’s the rush, Poker boy?” Dad called. “Dad, Evan is in trouble please can I go please please please” Damn, Jared Kleinman was begging. Wow. I must be really desperate.

“Okay…. here’s your phone. Be careful!” He says and I dash.

“Siri call Evan! Call Evan!!” I yell at my stupid iPhone.

“Calling Evan…”

Beep.

“Sorry the number you have reached is unavailable right now-“

“God damn it Evan…. where would h- fuck. God hell-“ 

I grab the phone and type in Sams number. 

“Lets climb some trees!” Evan called as little me and little him ran around his backyard, his dad watching us.

Wow things change so quickly.

 

“What’s up, Klienman?” Sam asks in an angry tone. Why was he so angry? 

“Is evan with you? Please do you know where he is please?” I beg. 

“No, but I think he’s in his backyard, that’s my guess.” Sam suggested, his tone bitter. “If I were you I wouldn’t bother. Speaking of, we got back together, after all, I messed up and I love him, and he loves me.”

Okay for some reason that felt like another bullet to the gut. “C-cool Im glad-“ I say and hang up, tears striking.

Please be there please.

I ran and ran, I couldn’t give up now. 

Luckily I was right, and he was there. 

“Evan! We need to talk please-“ I say, realizing we were right next to the pine we used to climb as kids. Hah.

“What, what do you want? To tell me how I’m not normal or how I’m a loser or how-“ I cut his ramble off. “Why did you do it?” I ask, no strength left in me. 

“Do what?” He asks, confused. “I know you didn’t fall. Really, how long was I supposed to believe that? You worked with trees for so long and you just fall?” I cross my hands. I swear I’m wrong I’m gonna be such an idiot.

He laughs.

What?

“I fell, Jared. End of stor-“ I cut him off.

“Please Evan, if you didn’t fall, I want to know. I want to know if it’s my fault if I…” but I guess I already know the answer.

“I-it’s not… I fell okay? I fell. End of story.”  
But it wasn’t.

Because in his eyes I saw regret, but I couldn’t tell if it was for failing, or for trying at all.

Which proved one thing.

 

Evan Hansen tried to kill himself.

And I caused it.

 

And that hurts like hell.

 

“Look, I’m sorry, can we just go back to what we used to be? Friends? Please.” I beg. I need to make things better. I have to.

Also I have done a lot of begging today.

“Correction, Family friends. Different levels.” There wasn’t any playfulness in his tone. 

“O-ok Im fine with that”

The tables have switched. 

And I was getting what I gave.

 

 

———————————-

 

Jeremy

Hanging out with your brother is one thing.

Hanging out with your brothers friends- Boyfriend is another.

And it is ducking weird.

Luckily, he couldn’t show, leaving Jared and I alone.

“So….. want to play truth or dare?” He suggests, his eyes still glassy. I wonder what happened with his friend?

“Truth or dare?” I ask him as we sit in our room. “Truth.” He replies weakly. “Is it true you are gay?” I ask, not being sure what to ask.

“True. Truth or dare?” He asks. “Truth.” “Is it true you had a traumatic event happen?” He asked and I nod.

“Want to talk about it?” This was weird, it was almost like Jared was caring. Definitely different then what I have seen of him so far.

“I had this friend, Jason, and um, he tried to…” I couldn’t finish it. “My friend did too. I get it… god, high schools a mother fucker am I right?” He jokes, but there wasn’t much humor. I chuckle awkwardly, “yeah.”

 

We left it at that.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well... well then....


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ev and Jarey have passive agressive ice cream.
> 
>  
> 
> Sam teaches Jer how to be more cool.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys! I’m back!

Okay, so Sam was… intresting.

“So you want to be popular?” He asks, running his hand through his spiky black hair.

“Not exactly, no. I want to be good enough for Christine.” I say, fidgeting.

“Oh goodness gracious ... okay, first things first… come on we need to get you a new shirt. This simply won’t do.” Sam explains to me, gesturing to me blue and yellow shirt.

“What? What’s wrong with my shirt?” I ask. “Just trust me. Come on, I’m sure we can find something in the mall.” He says, going into his car.

 

Once at the mall I go into a store I know very well. H&M. I see a cool red shirt. “How about this?” I ask innocently.

“Jeremy….” He cringes. “That’s a girls shirt-“ 

“Jerry! Hey, I didn’t know you shopped here!” Chloe points out. Oh god. 

“Greet the beta. Act smooth…” He whispers in my ear. “Heyyy Brooke, like the shirt.” I say, pointing out her blue shirt.

“Oh hello, Sam…” she cringes. “Hey, we are gonna go get some Froyo, want to tag along?” Brooke asks, clearly flattered by me noticing her.

“Say yes- also try to get in with Brooke, she may be your key to Christine…” Sam whispers.

“Sure! I mean okay.” I quickly correct when Sam steps on my foot.

“Great! Do you want a ride Jerry?” Brooke asks, her eyes twinkling. “Sure…” I say, and follow the girls, looking back to Sam scowling. But I did what he wanted?

Huh….

 

I hear my phone beep with a text from….

“No….”

Theimpossiblegunner: Hey

I feel my legs give out. And my vision falter. Shit. “Jer- Chloe get him!” Brooke says as I feel myslef collapse.

It couldn’t be…

But it was.

 

He was alive….

 

And he wanted contact.

My best friend was alive

My player Two.

I ground myself enough to try to message him back.

 

Jeremyheereisnotqueere: Hi

Theimpossiblegunner: Im back, asshole

Jeremyheereisnotqueere: thank hell. Shoot yourself again and I’ll make sure you go to hell.

Theimpossiblegunner: I think I’m going either way, missed you Jeremy.

Jeremyheereisnotqueere: missed you, JD.

 

————————-

 

Jared

So I needed to fix Evan and Is messy friendship. So what better way then stuffing ourselves with overpriced ice cream? 

 

I made sure to buy Evan his favorite, Chocolate chip, and brought him to the orchard.

“So… how you doing?” I attempt to converse. “Good, Sam and I have a date tommorow,” He says quietly, poking his ice cream. No energy in his voice.

“Oh…. you’ve been spending a lot of time with him…” so it’s true. Evan is back with him. Great….

“Mhm…” he hums, refusing to face me. It’s like he didn’t give a shit about what I was saying. Actually he probably wasn’t.

“Um, any new tree discoveries? For your collection? Or leaves?” I ask, trying to spark any interest in the blond boy’s eyes.

“Meh.” Was his reply.

Jesus Christ.

“Oh come on, your Evan Effing Hansen, and the one time I’m talking about trees your not gushing? Who are you and where’s my friend-“ I stop myself.

“Family friend, right Jared? That’s all we are? Family friends. For car insurance. That’s it. That’s all we were. But ever since you got the idea I’m not 100% mentally okay your trying to look like you care?” Evan spits. 

“You’ve never been 100%.” I mumble. Dumbass!

“See! You don’t care. You just want to be able to claim you were best friends with the dead kid if god forbid something happens. You don’t care.” Evan yells.

“Oh, heh, pretending to be friends with a dead kid…. familiar….” I mock. “Oh right! Who told me to do that again!” He defended.

“At least I didn’t get a boyfriend who drags me to parties, knowing I have social anxiety,” I argue. 

“At least I don’t have to pretend to have friends!” 

 

Well that stun Evan.

“Whatever asshat. I’m trying my best to fix this friendship-“ I try to retort. “I don’t care about it being fixed. There wasn’t any friendship to begin with.”

Is this really what Evan thought?

That I never cared?

Was I that good at covering it up?

“I-I…” I stutter. Jesus why does this boy bring out all the wrong sides of me?

“I’m done. Get some better friends, but I don’t need you anymore, or your horrible comments and jokes and- I just don’t…” Evans eyes were soggy but determined.

Determined in their hate in me.

Then he walked away, 

Leaving a broken Jared behind him.

“YOUR WELCOME FOR THE ICE CREAM ASSHOLE!” 

But in reality the only asshole here was me.

I fucked things up bad.

I lay my head on the desk, and let myself cry lightly. I never cry.

“Hey… you okay?” I hear a feline voice ask. I lift myself enough to look. 

She had curly blond hair to her shoulders, lips pink, and electric blue eyes.

Who was she?

“Hey it’s okay, you can cry on me, I’m Amy, don’t worry I got you.” She grabbed me and let me softly sob into her.

“I’m Jared…” something in her eye twinkled.

 

And that’s how I got a girlfriend.

Thanks Evan.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Im sorry....


	6. Yes, I’m that much of a hack

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Happy fifth of July 
> 
>  
> 
> Jeremy’s friend comes
> 
> Jared needs better taste in girls.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Im sorry.

After I stopped crying, I brought Amy to my house. 

 

So now we were chilling in my room filled with geeky posters and shit. Damn, remind me to clean this place up if I’m gonna have girls (guys) over.

 

“So… what’s your thing, what makes you happy,” she asked in a sexy honey like tone. I think for a second. What do girls find attractive?

 

“Well me? I like Star Trek, serouisly the last season was the fucking bomb, I love working wi5 computers, seeing what makes them tic, like the code, and how I can mess with them to result in them repeating OOF over and over, heh, yeah I also love memes, lik-“ she cuts me off with a finger to my lips.

 

“Shhhhhh….” damn, is this how people get turned on? Cause I am not feeling it. “Those things make you look…unattractive... and I don’t feel like vomiting,” she giggles innocently. I feel very self conscious all of a sudden.

 

“Oh um… what do you like?” I ask awkwardly, trying to light the mood. “Actually normal ones,” she giggles sudectively. “Don’t worry, I know this is new, so I’ll teach you slowly,” she smirks.

 

Wait is this code for sex?

 

Please don’t be code for sex.

 

“I think you misunderstood, I’m fine being me, and Um I’m not having se-“ I start. She grabs my neck.

 

“Oh I see… it’s fine… I just wanted a real boy to see me… someone to love me…” her eyes were pouting at me. Shit did I hurt her? 

 

“I do know that feeling…. Wanting someone to love you…” I whisper.

 

“You know, if we tweak a few things… make you seem less like a loser… hm.. yes…” she inspects, playing with my hair. 

 

“We should give you a makeover if you want to be seen… yes… oh you’ll do…” she whispers in my ear, resulting in a blush to creep onto my face.

 

“Let’s see… we need to get rid of the nerd asthetic, like a Game of thrones? You can watch it but no need to parade it… try post Malone! Oh yes you’ll like it. And goodness the button up shirts, try sport jackets…” She explains. I nod nervously.

 

“What sport! I don’t even know or like sports! You know, I’m a coder not a loader,” I joke.

 

She laughs. “You will, soccer would be good. Your small and quick.” She analyzes.

  
  


Now it was my turn to laugh. “Soccer? What’s next, your gonna want me to chop off my arm like this is fucking saw?” I sarcastically joke.

 

Amy rolls her eyes as I cackle. “Whatever and for goodness, stop with the jokes… they tone down your sexy appeal,” she smiles, coming really close to my face.

 

“B-But jokes are my thing! They make me… the insanely cool Jared Klienman!” I retort, pouting, and laying up against the wall on my bed.

 

She crawls up next to me, resting her head on my shoulder.

 

“See, when your quiet, your so much better… less needy for attention, say… I could see you being such a hot jock, all you need is to change and tweak. Like these glasses, you should get contacts. You could be sooooo…” she was looking like she was ready for fucking. 

 

Needless to say I was uncomfortable.

 

Her breath was on my neck now. “Your gonna make Evan wish he knew you… such a loser… a least he has a boyfriend…. don’t worry, Jarey, you have me…” she continues laying next to me. 

 

I sigh and relax into her embrace. I could get used to this. See, I’m not gay!

 

“Oooh… Evan…. I miss him and his ramblings on trees and his dorky grins and the way he just makes the world a little bit brighte-“ She cuts my ramble off.

 

“Didn’t know you were gay…” she smirked. I quickly change my tone and attitude. “Me? Gay? Hell to the no. He’s just someone who used to pay for my insurance… long story.” I explain.

 

Then she kissed me.

 

I was stunned.

 

This felt wrong.

 

But it looked right.

 

So I melted into the kiss, smiling. 

  
  


“Your gonna be a great boy… won’t you now…” she says seductively. “Yes…” I say and kiss her.

  
  
  
  


Damn.

  
  


“Now..l let’s clean this room, plus we need to catch the newest game..” did she mean football?

 

——————————————————-

 

Jeremy 

  
  
  


So… I was panicking. “Relax, this is your best friend right?” Mom placed a hand on my shoulder. It’s pretty ironic to be told by her to “relax”. 

 

“Honey, Jared took down his Star Trek posters, we have a pro-“ Mr. Kl- Dad gets cut off. “Not now, okay, good luck Jer! Don’t worry!” Mom exclaims as I leave the house. 

 

We decided to meet at a SEV ELEV, cause JD loves their slushie.

 

And there he was, wearing a trench coat and sipping a blueberry slush, holding a milkshake. “I’m back, Asshat.” He smirks.

 

“Yeah, I noticed.” I laugh. “So, you transferrin anywhere?” I ask. God knows our old school sucked. “Yeah, I was thinking Westerburg High,” He says.

 

“Gréât! That’s where I go,” I cheer.

 

Today’s a good day.

 

———————————————-

 

So when I came home things looked… different in our room. On one side it was bare, with outlines of old posters and collectibles, and the other side filled with books and video games. 

 

“What happened with the… nerd shit?” I ask Jared the next morning as he gets ready. “Oh… I thought it was time for an upgrade,” he says. 

 

Huh?

  
  
  


So, as I walk around, introducing my emo friend to Westerburg (hes gonna love it heere) as my brother walks up with a girl holding his hand. “Woah, Jeremy two? What did I miss?” JD jokes and I laugh. He seemed just like he did before...except less… dead.

 

“Wow, didn’t know my twin hung out with such a loser? What are you a new kid?” Jare laughs. What was he wearing? Was that…

 

Post Malone?

 

What the fuck?

 

“Yeah, I bet they are gay for each other!” The girl laughed. “Who the fuck are you anyway, Regina George?” JD asks.

 

“Amy, and I'm Jared, speaking of hey, bro, do you know where the soccer sign ups are?” Jared asks. I could feel my confusion growing. Jared liked sports? Really? 

 

I shrug, not knowing what to do. “You know, doesn’t this school have a no loser allowed?” Jared asks his girlfriend as he pecks her cheek. “Doesn’t this school have a no manipulative biches allowed policy?” Rich walks off and defends us.

 

Amy rolled and walked off and Jared looked back, with a guilty look.

 

“Hi, short Guy. Im JD. Welcome to the club of losers,” JD introduced. “Cool, you play video games?” Rich asks. “heh, maybe,” 

  
  
  
  


What just happened?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Im a hack


	7. Drama! Spicy character drama!!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jemma Im sorry.
> 
> Jared Im sorry.
> 
> Jeremy I’m sorry.
> 
> Im Just sorry.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Im done.

So I felt like shit.

“Was the rudeness necessary, Am? He’s my brother! Plus his friend almost died!” I ask the girl in a crop top.

“Yes, also I didn’t know you cared, with Evan,” she sucks on a red lollipop. (I will admit she is hot)

Wait…”how did you know about Evan?” Her response was a kiss with her hands on my back. Okay. That works…. I melt into the kiss.

“Woah, Am, I didn't know you were dating Jared!” I hear a voice I have learn to despise come up, breaking the sweet kiss.

I growl at him. “Sam! Jared, this is-“ She tried to explain but I cut off. “Oh I know Sam… he’s Evans boyfriend,” I grit my teeth. 

 

“We should get you to meet Alyssa! You’ll love her!” She giggled.

 

Later, I head to soccer, and low and behold, small but quick.

 

“Oh hun, did you make it?” Amy asked, and I nod and she gives me a ride home.

 

My room was replaced from GOT and Harry Potter to Sport posters of the teams (who the fuck are the ‘Red socks?’) it felt empty.

No more posters, no more collectibles, no stacks of DVDs and books.

My head said this was right. This is what was right. This what I want. But another voice (my heart) disagreed.

“Hey, have you seen my brother?” A tiny voice asks. It was Jemma. 

Probably looking for Jeremy.

Of course.

“Jeremy is out with some blond chick, Brooklyn?” I answer, trailing my fingers over a now empty dresser top lined in dust.

“I meant Jared,”

 

That stun.

 

She couldn’t see me.

 

She couldn’t tell us apart anymore…

“Never call me Jeremy again,” I say slightly darkly.

 

“Not what I meant,” she whispered as she left, playing with her pony tail.

 

What did she mean?

 

Jeremy

“Dude, she obviously likes you, just ask her out before I kill you,” JD jokes as I lead him in my room.

“God, can I express that I hate Jeremy 2?” JD mumbled. “His name is Jared, and he’s normally not this bad….” though I wasn’t really sure.

 

“Just text her ‘hey, Brooke, want to go get Ice cream, just the two of us?’” He models. “Have you met any girls yet?” I ask.

“So, apparently Jared sent some of his buddies probably, these two dicks, to beat my ass. But hey, Shakespearean classics are surprisingly good weapons,” we laugh.

“Some girl saw me and was like staring at me. She had brown hair and was wearing a blue blazer,” JD explained. “Cool.” Was m’y response as I play m PAC man game on my phone.

JD yanked it out of my hands. “What! Michael showed it to me!” I defend, and see he was typing. 

 

Uh oh.

 

“And send!” He laughs.

“Fuck you,” I retort.

 

 

———————————

 

Jemma

I grab a camera and adjust it to face me.

“Hey… welcome to my personal video diaries… I’m a dork…” I bury my head into my hands, laughing at my silliness,

“So… my life has been weird. I now have two Jared’s. Yay. And the original, like the one I grew up with, is acting weird and I think he has a girlfriend, so does the other (which surprises me, since he’s kinda twink,) I laugh.

“My life isn’t going too well. There this boy, Mark, and I think I like him! He might like me! I just need to see! Until then, my nightmare continues,” and I sign off and save it in a file on my computer.

 

 

~~~~~~

 

Why is everyone staring at me?

 

Wait…

What is she watching?

“Until then, my nightmare continues…” 

 

It was me.

No…

 

Everyone was looking at me and laughing and I could feel my throat well up and my head spin. This is horrible!

 

How could I….

 

 

Someone. Needed to have posted this. 

 

Someone in my family.

 

Someone like one of my brothers.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Today I left a socially anxious acorn.
> 
>  
> 
> -
> 
> Will Roland.


End file.
